How To Deal With Conflict
Internal conflict, conflict within yourself, reflects the
difference between what you really feel and what you are able
or choose to do about it. Interpersonal conflict happens
between you and another person when what they do or say is
different from what you feel and vice-versa.
Everybody has four basic psychological needs.
the need to be valued, to be in control, the need for
self esteem or self worth, and last of all the need for
consistency or stability.
1. The feeling of
need to be valued or appreciated by others is a basic
You want others to identify your worth and value your
You're more motivated when your contributions are
recognized. If you
experience being unappreciated, in use advantage of, or taken
for granted, you could feel that your need to be appreciated
and valued has been violated and this can cause a reaction of
fear, anger or often both.
2. The need to be
Being in control is essential for everyone, but more for some
people than others. The more insecure you feel
about yourself, the more controlling you might
contrast, if you are feeling secure and positive about yourself
then your need to be in charge will be
When you have to deal with over controlling people remember
their need to control comes from their
Make them feel safe and their need to control will
3. The need for
self esteem and self worth
By this I mean you should appreciate yourself and look at your
strengths instead of any weakness (we all possess
both). A strong
self esteem will give you a powerful, solid base for dealing
with all types of problems and situations.
With a strong self esteem, you have the capacity to positively
respond or respond to any type of situation, rather than
reacting negatively by panicking or staying away from the
4. The need to be
You have to know what is expected to happen in any given
need consistency from family, friends, partners, and everyone
in your life. If
you don’t get consistency from anyone you will always feel
concerned about the unexpected.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that no one can change their
minds but someone who changes opinions or reacts in a different
way to the same situation brings a level of insecurity in to
your life and you never know how to respond.
The reason certain people feel the need to change has to do
with their insecurity. Since they feel insecure
about themselves, they attempt to fit in with others all the
time and will agree with whoever they believe has the most
Every time any of these needs are not met conflicts (internal,
external or both) are created and people typically react in one
of four ways.
They can retaliate, dominate, isolate, or
Retaliation and domination could cause extreme
dealing with conflict, isolation separates the parties but
doesn't solve the conflict, while with cooperation one party
allows their feelings to be ignored and accepts the suggestion
of another over their own.
If you are aware of these basic needs and reactions you will
start to understand how and why you and others react the way
Considering these needs, understanding them and acting upon
them will make you a more complete and therefore a more
confident individual and will give you strength at times of